Property Grunt

Sunday, February 13, 2005


In my previous entry I described the open house process and how it is normally conducted. When an open house is good they are amazing. When they are bad they are a monstrosity.

Rage of the Rabid Harpy and the Ass Monkey

It was at the end of one open house that the Grunt was holding that a buyer and her wretch of a companion ambushed the Grunt. Previously the Grunt informed the buyer, via phone, of the hours of the open house, which was 11am-12: 30pm, which the buyer understood. It was important for the Grunt end the open house at 12:30 because at 1pm there was another open house in a building two blocks away which required his presence because the building required two brokers. The Grunt was concerned at around 12:20 and contacted the buyer who assured the Grunt she would be there on time. At 12:45 there was no buyer and the Grunt got a call from the B.I.C (Broker In Charge) that he was needed at the new location ASAP. The Grunt complied and while the Grunt was shutting down he got a call from the buyer telling him she was in building but the Grunt attempted to explain to the buyer of the situation but she hung up.

Now as I was closing the door on apartment I was met by a customer and informed that the open house was closed but I would be more than happy to show her the apartment at a later time. She complied and as I was about to get her contact info the late buyer showed up with a male companion.

When I informed them of the situation the buyer turned into a rabid harpy cursing me blaming me for tardiness that it was completely ridiculous that I could not show the apartment. Her companion transformed into a jumping ass monkey joined yelling at me that I sucked as an agent and that while they were wasting time arguing. My initial urge was take off and leave them here. But to leave two angry and highly unstable people in a building without supervision was a recipe for trouble and if the situation escalated the listing could have been lost and the Grunt could have been banned from the building. The B.I.C would not have been happy. I attempted to contact the B.I.C but only got his voicemail; the other customer was long gone not wishing to be an innocent bystander in the melee.

At one point I told them I did not feel comfortable bringing them into the apartment because of the way they were acting which only agitated them further. I got a call from the B.I.C and explained the situation to him. He said to go ahead and show the place. I watched them closely in case they damaged anything and then as soon as they left the apartment I ran to the other open house.

Guess who showed up? The rabid harpy and her ass monkey. The last thing I wanted was another scene so I uncled them and played nice and apologetic with them. The ass monkey began trying to tell me how to do my job and that I had to accommodate their needs. I restrained myself in ripping him a new one and told him I understood however the circumstances did not allow me that option since they were late. Murphy’s law was in full affect because I ran into them in the elevator again before they were leaving.

The worst fubar I have seen to date was three weeks ago. I was holding an open house at the previous building where I had the second encounter with the ass monkey and the rabid harpy. Now this place does not suffer fools. They have a very strict rule of allowing 3 open houses a Sunday. NO EXCEPTIONS. Just to make sure no one plays any games the board president spends the Sunday observing the open houses.

I had just escorted a party to the apartment and was getting off the elevator when I was greeted by a riotous crowd of angry visitors who were screaming at the broker who was screaming at the doorman who was frantically calling anyone to help him out. According to the doorman the broker said she was coming in to do a walk through not an open house, the broker claimed she called in advance and that she was approved to do an open house. It was a chaotic scene as the broker smuggled people to the open house while the rest of the building staff came on the scene to control the situation.

Then the board president walked and upon being informed of the situation he screamed “This is bulls**t.” I think the funniest scene was when one of the building staff informed the president that people were going up to the illegal open house. The board president bellowed why they were paying him to take care of these problems, the doorman closed his eyes and began waving his arms sending the universal signal of not my problem.

It got better when the broker in question proceeded to get an argument with the board president. Now getting to an argument with the doorman is dumb but getting into an argument with the board president is suicidal. The board president could not only have shut down the open house but he could have barred the broker from ever coming in. Yes. Board presidents have that authority.

The broker was lucky because she was able to do another open house and was not barred from the building. Secretly I was wishing that would happen because than the seller would have to fire the broker and I would come in as the white knight.

Tomorrow morning I have a showing and three open houses back to back. Let the fun begin.